


Bucky Barnes Learns Extreme Couponing

by psychoroach



Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 06:43:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9111136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychoroach/pseuds/psychoroach
Summary: Bucky Barnes decides to start using coupons, driving Steve Rogers crazy in the process.





	

Bucky pushed one of the carts toward the grocery store, talking to Natasha who was paying close attention to what he was saying, even though she looked slightly lost, baffled, and fairly amused. He'd started marathoning a show called Extreme Couponing and thought the entire thing was fascinating. But being a guy who grew up during a time when things weren't ready available to people sometimes, he could see the smartness of stockpiling certain goods. It just made sense to buy things for as cheap as you could; it saved money for certain other things where you couldn't always get discount like clothing, or his not-so-newly discovered beloved hobby of books. Natasha had tried to get him into an e-reader, telling him it was far less expensive to buy a book online and trying to sell him on the fact that all his books would be in one location, but Bucky had some old fashioned ways and he'd rejected the idea of the device. There was just something about the smell of a new book that he found comforting, a smell that hadn't changed since he had first started reading when he was a little kid. 

"So I have thirteen coupons for buy one get one half off yogurt, which a package is $5 something." Bucky said. "So if I got one of those it'd be $60 something. If I got two it'd be $130 something, but with these coupons I get that much for just the price of one which is the $60." 

"You mean $60 for the price of 13 packages of yogurt, and 26 would be $130. So you're getting 26 packages of yogurt." Natasha said, trying to wrap her brain around it. "Do you even eat yogurt?" 

"Oh yeah, love it." Bucky nodded. "It's good to grab some and go in the morning when I sleep too late to make myself breakfast." 

"Bucky, you need more than yogurt for breakfast." Steve sighed exasperatedly, bringing up the rear, walking beside Clint who had a look on his face like he was amused by the entire thing. Steve swore to himself if he tried to egg Bucky on in anything he'd kill him, public place be damned. 

"Yeah, no, I know." Bucky waved a hand. "But it's good to tide me over until I can grab something for lunch or something." Steve looked ready to argue but Bucky plowed on before he could. "Now paper towels. We go through those things like toilet paper...oh I got coupons for that, too. Not the double ply stuff, but we'll stockpile it, it'll be fine. Anyway, paper towels. You know those big double roll ones? I got 24 coupons for those, and I'll only wind up paying $12 which kind of rips my heart out a little bit, but I'm sure I'll find a better deal down the road, plus 24 damn rolls of paper towels, that'll last a while..." 

"He sounds just like some of those insane idiots on that show." Clint muttered to Steve, glancing over at him. 

"I know." Steve groaned, rubbing his forehead. "He spent three hours last night scouring papers and cutting out coupons. Then he watched an episode where they mentioned online coupons and he used a whole pack of computer paper to print some out. Plus I think he found some app thing..."

"He's gone off the deep end." Clint smacked Steve on the back. "Good luck." 

Steve eyed Clint and smirked. "What do you mean 'good luck'? Have you not noticed Natasha taking in everything he's saying?" 

Clint looked up at Natasha and saw that she was asking Bucky questions about his system and he groaned to himself. He knew if Natasha was actually asking about things, it meant she was interested enough to want to try it out for herself. He cursed in several languages under his breath while Steve just continued smirking at him. 

Inside the store, Bucky took out his binder which had his paper coupons, the ones he'd printed out from the internet and his iPad which had the page loaded for virtual coupons as well. He put it to the side and took out his battered notebook, flipping to the first of five pages he'd written on. "Ok." He looked at Natasha but it was obvious he was addressing them all. "Blue tabs in the binder is stuff like toothpaste, toothbrushes and mouthwash. Purple tabs are for soaps, body wash, liquid dish soap. Red tabs are for paper products---paper towels, toilet paper, paper plates and cups and also plastic silverware..." 

"Bucky we have plates, glasses and silverware." Steve pointed out. 

"We could use 'em for get togethers, Stevie." Bucky shot back exasperatedly. "Like what about Independence Day?" 

"It's Nov...nevermind." Steve shook his head. 

"Anyway." Bucky shot Steve a look like 'how dare you interrupt me'. "Green tabs are for non-perishable food stuff like noodles, those ramen things---man the 21st century is awesome just for that alone, I could eat those little shits all the time..." 

"Spoken like a college student." Clint muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes, his earlier amusement at the situation totally gone. 

"...and then canned foods and all, and sauces." Bucky said, getting back on track. "Yellow tabs are in the back, those are for perishables like produce, meat, fruit and like...milk and juice." 

"What about orange?" Natasha asked when he didn't mention it. 

"Oh!" Bucky snapped his fingers, beaming. "That's cake mix, frosting, ice cream, ice cream bars, and stuff like that." 

"So what's our goal then?" Natasha took out a hair tie and tied her hair up, obviously getting into things and treating the outting like a mission. Steve and Clint shared a look, Steve gestured to a display of patio furniture and he and Clint started toward it. 

"No you don't, we need you two to push carts and help load." Bucky said, grabbing Steve by the arm before they could get too far. 

Steve's shoulders slumped and he moved back again. 

"Here's our goal." Bucky waved his notebook. "I made a list of what we need to start stockpiling and did some math. If we paid full price for everything we're getting today it'd be well over five grand." 

Steve's eyes bugged out and when he went a little pale Clint grabbed his arm. 

"But our goal is, after coupons, to only pay about $25." Bucky continued.

Steve took a breath. "You know, Buck, we have back pay from the army, we're getting paid by Stark Industries..." He forgot his earlier reaction. 

Bucky shot him another look. "We can't just go spendin' frivilously, Stevie." He pointed out. 

Steve thought about standing in line as the poor cashier was having to ring up all those items and coupons and thought to himself that he'd rather be anywhere else right then and normally he didn't go looking for trouble, but he thought that if someone or something decided to attack the city right then he wouldn't be too broken up about it. But he knew it probably wouldn't happen. It never did when you wanted it to. 

"Where are we going to put all this?" Steve tried another tactic, trying to trip Bucky up. 

"I thought of that." Bucky said. "We don't need a spare bedroom so I cleared it out last night and put up some shelves and shit, made space for our stuff and I went out and got one of them chest freezers and got it all set up. Should be cold enough when we get back." 

Steve's jaw dropped as he stared at Bucky in shock. "You did all that last night?!" 

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep, I was too worked up." Bucky said. 

"And you didn't think to ask me?" Steve asked, putting his hands on his hips. 

Bucky eyed him and Steve felt his anger deflating. The look on Bucky's face reminded him of ages ago when he had just broken his Winter Soldier programming and was afraid to do anything in fear of getting in trouble for it. "I...I mean I...probably should'a...I just kinda thought if I was gonna do this I needed..." 

Steve thought about how far Bucky had come since he'd come back into his life, and how for months Bucky was despondent, quiet, and a shell of his former self. If he thought hard enough he realized that this couponing stuff was the first spark in Bucky, the first thing he seemed to get excited over. Steve felt like an ass immediately, and he knew he couldn't break Bucky's heart by refusing to let him have this...even if he wound up regretting it later. 

"It's ok, Buck." Steve said, low and affectionate. "You're right, we'll never use that room so it's perfect for this." 

Bucky beamed at him and started off with one of the carts as the others grabbed one as well. 

"Just talk to me first before you do anything big like that again?" Steve asked. 

"Yeah, course, Stevie." Bucky said absently.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Steve was right, Clint egged Bucky on, the little shit. Steve wanted to pick him up and send him flying into a display of Little Debbie snack cakes. Anytime Bucky put items in the cart, Clint would interrupt him. Inane things like 'you're keeping count of what you're getting right?' or 'are you making sure that's exactly the right brand' and 'those coupons will be good right? Not expired'. Every time Bucky would pause and they'd get into a spat, wasting even more time as they shopped. Natasha, the jerk, just stood back and played Candy Crush on her phone until they got back to shopping, while Steve was left to play mediator. He shot Clint several warning looks, but sadly, unless it was Phil or Natasha, Clint tended to have a 'you can't fucking tell me what to do' attitude and did his best to buck the system and annoy the ever loving shit out of someone in the process. Steve wondered if they could kick him off the Avengers, he heard there was a blind vigilante in Hell's Kitchen...

"Steve, no." Bucky interrupted Steve's thoughts as Steve was bent down putting toothpaste into the cart. 

Steve looked up at him questioningly. "What?" 

Bucky started removing the boxes. "Not this one." 

"The coupon says Colgate." Steve pointed out. 

"It's Colgate plus whitening." Bucky pointed at the coupon, practically stabbing at it. "The boxes you're grabbin' are just plain Colgate. You gotta put 'em back, those are the ones we want." He pointed to ones on a shelf higher than the one Steve had been grabbing from. 

Steve grumbled under his breath as he started putting the boxes back while Clint was putting the right ones in the cart. "Would you stop that?" 

"What, I'm helping." Clint said, blinking at him. Steve wasn't fooled by the 'innocent' look though. 

"Help after I've put the other ones back." Steve snapped lightly. "Otherwise I don't know which ones are right or wrong." 

"You could just read the box." Clint pointed out. Steve went to take a swipe at him but Clint danced behind Natasha, knowing Steve wouldn't go through her to get to him...as tempting as it was.

"You know we're wasting time." Bucky pointed out. "The place closes at 8 PM." 

"It's only..." Steve looked at his watch. "5 PM. How long do you expect us to be here?!" 

"I don't know but let's not dawdle too much." Bucky said primly, sounding too much like a mom that it made Steve bristle a bit. He fought back the urge to immaturely say 'he started it' and went back to his sorting, keeping an eye on Clint who was watching Natasha play Candy Crush again. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

After the toothpaste disaster, Steve thought for sure pasta would be easier. He triple checked the coupons Bucky had and began filling the cart. "Wait..." Bucky started. 

Steve looked up at him warily. "What?" 

Bucky chewed his lip, looking at his iPad. "That's rigatoni noodles, and we're getting ravioli and spaghetti. But they got a whole wheat bouccatini that just got put up for 75% off and I can get 30 bags..." 

"So let's get all of it." Steve said, trying to keep his cool. 

"Are you sure? That's a lot of pasta..." Bucky pointed out. 

"Doesn't matter." Steve said. "We'll invite people over, I'll make enough to feed Hulk if we get desperate to get rid of it." 

"Alright, then continue on." Bucky said, satisfied with that.

Steve mumbled a 'thank God' and went back to grabbing the noodles. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Ice cream was what tripped them up. At first Bucky just saw that he had coupons for Ben & Jerry's so Steve and Clint started piling in the cartons of their favorites. But then Natasha pointed out that the coupons were for certain flavors of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Steve wanted to cry as he and Clint started putting ones back and puling out other kinds. Then Natasha 'helpfully' pointed out that some of the coupons were for Ben and Jerry's yogurt. Steve shot her a look that promised swift and harsh retaliation and the woman had the nerve to just smirk at him. Steve cracked his knuckles as he and Clint once again started shifting cartons back and forth. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Once they were ready to check out, Steve felt like he'd gone three rounds with Hulk and got the crap beat out of him every time. He ached, he had a headache, and if Clint did one more thing to piss him off he was going to stuff him in one of the frozen food freezers and lock him in it. Same with Natasha because the incident with the tomatoes...

The four of them started loading things on the conveyor belt and Steve flushed bright red as he watched people pass by and gape at the sheer amount of food they got. He also noticed their poor cashier looked ready to up and quit. While Bucky was distracted, he leaned over toward her, speaking quietly. "I promise I will give you a more than generous tip for all of this." 

She nodded and began ringing everything up, making sure everything scanned right. When one of the cans they got wouldn't scan, Steve's heart dropped, but thankfully once she put it in manually it went through and the other cans were fine. The same thing happened with the fruit and Steve groaned under his breath. 

After everything was scanned, he didn't peek at the total, even though it was said out loud and Steve held in a shudder. He knew if his mother ever heard of anyone paying so much for groceries she probably would've fainted straight away. Not to mention what she would've thought about someone squirreling away food like he and Bucky were going to do. 

Bucky took out his coupons and smiled at her. "Ok I got paper ones, electronic ones and ones I printed off the internet thing. Let's do the electronic first." He handed her his tablet and she began scanning everything. Bucky kept an eye on the screen as she did and watched diligently. He frowned at one point and shook his head. "Wait, those should be doublin', they ain't doublin'..." 

The cashier frowned and looked it over. "Let me grab my supervisor." 

Steve tried not to panic, tried not to think about all the ways Bucky would throw a fit if this didn't workout. He did. Even as the cashier pulled over an older lady and they looked over the problem. He hoped and prayed it worked out. 

"Oh here." The supervisor said. She did something and spoke to the cashier and the coupons doubled and Steve put a hand to his chest, relief coursing through him. 

The supervisor walked off and after the electronic coupons were handled, they moved on to the ones Bucky had printed off. There was a massive stack of them and Steve felt himself go red as everyone was watching them. He could see the front page of the Daily Bugle already. 'Avengers Cause Spectacle At Local Brooklyn Grocery Store---Couponing! Are they more poor than we think?' 

One of the coupons wouldn't scan and Steve had to let go of the thing he was holding on before he broke it. "Oh don't worry." The cashier said. "I can do it manually." She did so and it took and she went back to scanning.

Last was the paper coupons and about a third of the way through the register locked up. 

"What happened? What can you do? Are my coupons going to work?" Bucky asked, eyes widening. "I didn't want to have to pay more than $30..." 

"Buck I have my bank car..." Steve started, but Bucky cut him off with a glare. 

The cashier called over a manager who fiddled with the register and finally they got it running again and she resumed scanning the coupons. 

Once she was finished, she smiled at Bucky. "Ok your first total was $5,321.82. After all your coupons, and dude, you had a lot of coupons, your grand total is...$22.19." 

Steve was mortified when everyone around started cheering and he put his face in his hands, laughing incredulously while Natasha and Clint helped Bucky put the bags of groceries in the carts. He darted out when everything was loaded and shook his head to himself. 

"You know I feel real accomplished." Bucky said, smiling. "That was a rush, I can see why people do it. And I even got under my $25 limit!" He looked at Natasha. "What do you think? Think you'll get into it?" 

Natasha shrugged. "I may have to come with you a few more times to make a decision."

"Well you're welcome to it." Bucky smiled. 

Steve silently hoped Bucky would get bored of it before the 'next time'.


End file.
